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“I can’t moderate”

Amy Gorman

Are you someone who feels like they have to be ‘on it’ or ‘strict’ and you don't know what you're doing as soon as that’s not part of your life?


You’re not alone.


There are many things that influence this and many come down to how you grew up, what your parents did, and what the norm was in your culture. These will all have been drilled into you.


Things like, “you must finish your plate or you don’t get dessert” taught us that you have to finish your plate, regardless of whether you are genuinely full - so from a young age you weren’t taught what hunger and fullness were. More importantly, you didn’t learn how it felt to be satisfied. Especially when someone else determined what your portion size would be. Or tried to make you.


Now that you’re an adult and you have control over what, when and how you eat. Give a few of these strategies a try.


Review your eating environment

  1. Remove the TV, phone and other distractions

  2. Sit at a table

  3. Enjoy company when you can


If you’re distracted whilst you eat, you’re more likely to eat more as you’re not aware of how much you’ve had, or how satisfied you are.


Review the speed you eat

  1. Do you often feel bloated often?

  2. Do you feel hungry when you’ve just finished a large portion?

  3. Eat until you feel 80% full, instead of stuffed


If you eat too quickly, you can take in more air, leaving you feeling bloated and uncomfortable. It can also prevent you from tasting and experiencing the food - leaving you feeling unsatisfied and searching for the next meal.


Adjust your visual cues

  1. Use a smaller, side plate instead of a large plate

  2. Grab the smaller pan from the cupboard

  3. Use a teaspoon instead of a dessert spoon


If you start reducing portion sizes but keep your plate the same size, it’s not surprising that your brain will clock the extra space on the plate and tell you it’s hungry still. If you take away the space and use cutlery that slows down eating - you can allow your brain to register when it feels satisfied and realise that the smaller portion is enough.


You then still have the option to have more later if you’re not quite satisfied.

What does any of this have to do with moderating?


If your brain can’t recognise whether it is hungry or full under regular circumstances (neutral state, sober, routine). How do you expect yourself to be able to moderate when it feels stressed?


If you then know you’re likely to comfort eat, or you’re heading out for dinner. Why not try some of these?


Have a meal or protein shake before you go out

  1. This allows your body to not be in a starved state when you’re trying to make decisions. There’s nothing worse than shopping on an empty stomach - you end up with all the random things you don’t need. Likewise, looking at a restaurant menu when you starved yourself in preparation.

  2. Adding in more water can help with this one too, to ensure you’re not dehydrated and reaching for food or alcohol to quench your thirst


Neither of these methods means not eating the thing you want. They mean you’ll choose the thing you actually want, and enjoy it more!


Add a small, but enjoyable barrier in the way of comfort food

  1. Set a 10-minute timer and a glass of water

    1. If you still want the chocolate - go for it

  2. Do something else to distract and de-stress first

    1. Read a book for 5-10 minutes

    2. Journal for 3-5 minutes

    3. Go for a walk

    4. Listen to music

    5. Watch a film


You may actually have no interest in a glass of wine and know the best thing for you is a good night's sleep - the glass of wine will definitely not guarantee the sleep, if anything it’ll make tomorrow feel worse. So before you reach for the wine, try out an alternative strategy. If it’s still not cutting it, add wine to the book or nice music.


Often we need to test alternative self-soothing methods (book, music, bath) alongside reviewing what’s causing the distress (journaling) so we can find sustainable solutions to resolve the underlying issues.


Give some of these methods a go and see how your stress management feels!


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